I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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