Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize