I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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