i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
