My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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