I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
