She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
