I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize