He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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