Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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