This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
