I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
