I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
