I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
