At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize