I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize