the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
worst night to have a conscience
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
