I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
