he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
