dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
