He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
