i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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