I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
zippers are such a cool invention
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
