sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
