I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize