Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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