yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
