I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
