Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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