I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
