mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize