forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
