I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
