Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
