I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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