So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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