i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
