all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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