She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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