why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
