omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Drunk is a universal language darling
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize