did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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