i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
