What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
