Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
