He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
