You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
