sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My balls are so social today.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
