take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
