Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Rumble strips road head = magical
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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