Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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