Your dad touched me again.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
