Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
