im drinking this country out of the recession.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize