I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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