she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
