i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
