i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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