i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
