How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
