And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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