can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
