i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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