Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
