Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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