I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
