Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
