i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
COCAINE IS GR8
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize