My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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