Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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