How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
