Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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