On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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