I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize