Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
